Taking Sides 2- Keeping Up with the Earthlings

The iron is puffing a white chalk-like stain that threatens to ruin my only presentable black shirt. As predicted by Kurt Vonnegut I am getting ready to meet our new visitors, the extraterrestrials. Vonnegut was so clear about the date and time.

My friend on the sofa is watching me ruin my shirt. He says the alien story is in my imagination, and the neighbours and my family say that my friend is in my imagination.

I am no mad man.

My ex-wife calls and says: “Breath, breath is the most powerful tool to reorganize the connections in our brains, so sit and meditate on your breath.”

So we sit down, my friend and I, and together we breathe.

My ex-wife had beautiful hair. Now she cut it all off, referred to an ashram in south India, breathing, meditating, fasting, and waiting to connect with the universe.

If she can connect with the universe, why can’t I/can’t we be visited by the universe!

I am no mad man, what if I am right? What if all the clues in Vonnegut’s stories were right?

The alien theories presented by humans carry clear prejudice; claiming that the old wonders of the world were made by extraterrestrials – The high pyramids of Egypt, the deeply carved cities of India, the magical drawings on the ground of the Aztecs, and the huge walls of Persia and China, as to say those human races are incapable of doing that!

I am not a racist, and neither I am a mad man!

Once the extraterrestrials arrive they will debunk those claims, we humans can create magic if we seek beauty and are able to maintain empathy. All races are ok, once they have the chance!

Another theory that will soon be debunked is that humans will take one stand against an outsider enemy! This is proven wrong in every war, every economic peak, and through all the environmental crises!

We would quickly take sides, almost all sides will try to take the aliens as secret allies.

We would be in a crazy race to secretly gain the aliens as allies, yet on the surface, the governments would finally display their nuclear toys, some aiming them towards the sky, some aiming them at other countries, just in case!

And this is exactly what the aliens are officially here for, we cannot toy with those things. “Earthlings’ ego is sixteen times the normal ego, and their brains have shown twenty times less capacity to connect dots and reach conclusions!”, the alien established research papers from different galaxies states.

“How many floods can one create to control the damages?”, the military personnel argued in their final galactic meeting.

“We have to intervene.”

The same research papers would state that despite the presence of time, earthlings never learn from their experiences. Consequently, the earthling time goes in loops, endless loops so that the conclusion of time is zero.

Individually and collectively, the earthlings are two dimensional, they would move between two axes and two axes only

The axis of fear of death,

And the axis of lust and sex!

Research advises strongly on intervention, with a clear plan to develop the consciousness, bearing in mind the limitation of the earthlings.

My friend says that aliens come up in public consciousness presented in literature after every collective human trauma.

“Superman in comic literature, the alien savior of humankind, was created after WW1.

The alien conspiracy theories flamed after WW2, out of despair and existential crisis after every big trauma, we try to create answers, like in creating Gods and mythologies“, he argues, then takes a long breath.

Despite his argument, I believe he, like me, is waiting for the aliens to arrive. He is hoping and I am anticipating.

I don’t think they are gods or angels, I am no mad man, aliens have egos as well, and aliens are not one race. The wisest looks not like humans but more like Octopus. They will look at what we did to the bottoms of the oceans filled with spilled oils, and sigh!

They would look at the wastes taken from the developed democratic countries to be dumped in the lands of the poor countries, and sigh!

The octopus-like nation would accept human refugees, as they argue, like the wisdom dictates, that civilizations need each other to flourish, and even with our inflated ego, we are connected!

But as the ego is universal, the more collective mind created and the more power you give, the bigger the ego becomes!

Thus the aliens’ regimes are not much different from ours, they will take sides, with us, and against each other, just in case!

The wise octopus-like nation would advise other alien nations not to take sides. Delete the rest of the paragraph

The wise octopus-like nation would take humans, refugees,

I am looking forward to leaving here. To find a way to smuggle out, like some aliens would smuggle in, to live the earthling experience!

We will meet them in the parks having hash, connecting with our “simple but pure hearts” they would say, creating experimental art in the underground cultural scene, and writing poetry about the vain existence of the universe.

Nevertheless, some would show allergic reactions to the strange shedding skin of humans.

The physicians from both sides would advise everyone to wear masks.

Both sides would be advised to take long showers when they come in direct contacts, like the relations we have with our cockroaches.

Some extraterrestrials believe, probably rightfully, that we cannot be trusted. Not civilized enough, not connected enough, prejudice towards each other, our understanding of universal rules is limited by our six senses – despite the well-known fact that we have nineteen acute senses!

And our fear of death is more profound than our respect for life.

Some even develop a habit of hunting us, for our interesting skin shades and strange facial features, and some argue that our flesh is perfect for a barbecue – if marinated long enough!

But the wise would advise against it. It is forbidden to eat earthlings, as they have feelings and consciousness, and consuming our flesh might transfer parasites causing incurable diseases.

We are “haram”.

Like pig’s flesh in Islam and Judaism!

On another lighter, more entertaining note, we would come up with a new fashion to resemble that of our new gods, as earthlings’ inflated but fragile ego, we identify with the stronger, as we always do!

As the two societies would organically interact – like the nature of organic beings, and as the fetish is a creative constructed habit: We would witness the rise of an alien tentacle fetish, and an alien fetish of hairy earthlings and short curved human bodies, which in return would affect the fashion industry, and would create underground porn channels across the universe!

Interracial relationships! This particular aspect would take all worlds to a whole different level of entertainment, love, lust, conflicts, conflict of interests, and sometimes catharsis!

The drama!

The galactic audience would love our show “Keeping Up with the Earthlings”. We would be the biggest hits.

“You are to find an alien woman that would not leave you!”, says my friend who is now angrily trying to clean the dishes, but this is not what I am aiming for, I am not sure if I can, yet the idea is to have hope!

Another axis I would love to introduce is hope.

Ask the people who have no hope, the life force itself can be easily seized if hope is lost.

Demon and pity angels illustration

With the last puff of the iron and the final white chalk-like stain going to the rim of the sleeve, the shirt is still usable, despite the objections of my friend. “You cannot wear this, you have to buy a new shirt, and proper trousers with no holes!”

I ask him to remember to breathe.

As nothing of this matters when the aliens arrive!

My sister called, and my ex-wife passed away. I tell my friend that she just smuggled herself to the better planet I was aiming for!

As he weeps and sobs, I remind him to breathe


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